As uncomfortable as it can be to talk about, it’s important to know your partner's history and how certain experiences have shaped their personality and perspective. However for many couples, the thought of opening up to one another and sharing personal details can feel vulnerable. This on top of the fact that you're in a new relationship can make it almost impossible to know what questions to get to know someone!
That’s exactly why we’ve gone ahead and selected 21 questions from our couples level 2 deck that are perfect for new lovers who want to know each other better as well as couples who have been together for a while and want to strengthen their relationship through open communication and positive conversations.
1) What smell instantly takes you back to your childhood?
Not only will this bring back a strong memory for your partner, but it’s a great way to pay attention to the way they react when their childhood is brought up. Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, our childhoods play a huge role in our romantic relationships as adults.
2) What was the biggest source of comfort in your family growing up?
Learning who your partner was comforted by and how they were calmed as a child will allow you to better understand how to make them feel safe in your relationship. Feeling safe is crucial to complete emotional and physical vulnerability between two people.
3) When was the last time you acted out of fear or anxiety & what was the result?
How your partner reacts to stress and anxiety is important to be aware of. If there are certain coping mechanisms and strategies that you can help with during stressful moments,you should be aware of them.
4) Who do you think has had the most positive influence on teaching you self-love?
The most important relationship anyone will ever have is the one they have with themselves. Self-love is crucial for having healthy relationships in your life as you will treat others largely based on how you treat yourself.
5) How would you describe the biggest difference between your current self and yourself 5 years ago?
The ability to set, work towards, and achieve goals can be extremely powerful. If your partner is able to accurately reflect on the progress they have made as an individual, you will gain insight into their achievements and what they’ve accomplished recently and where you can dream ahead together.
6) Is there a daydream that you replay in your mind often?
Learning about your partner’s biggest dreams can help you make sense of what they’re working towards in life. Supporting their goals, no matter how big or small, is an important part of being in a supportive and healthy relationship.
7) What mistake did you learn the hard way that you now help others avoid?
Does your partner have the ability to reflect on their past and admit that they messed up? And are they actively trying to make sure they don’t make the same mistakes again? Find out with this question!
8) What makes you feel the most grounded and present?
Connecting with your partner on a deep level requires knowing intimate details of their life including their innermost thoughts and what is able to calm their minds to where they are in control of their emotions and reactions.
In his book Shadow, Shelf, Spirit, Michaels Daniels defines being grounded as “a sense of being fully embodied, whole, centered and balanced in ourselves and in our relationships.”
9) What negative mindset would you like to let go of?
Finding out what negative thinking patterns that your partner struggles with is important to recognize. Find out if this would negatively contribute to your own patterns or if you could positively influence their thinking.
10) What activity makes you lose track of time?
What does your partner really like to do? Do they prefer social activities or do they enjoy spending most of their time alone? The answer to this questions holds a lot of information about your partner. Are you okay with their favorite pastime?
11) What emotion do you try to avoid feeling?
Emotional trauma can run deep in some people. If you find out that the person you’re dating needs lots of emotional support from you, would that be a deal breaker? Pay close attention to the way they answer this question!
12) What’s stopping you from living the life you’ve always dreamed of?There are a lot of people who believe that the only thing stopping you from living the life you’ve always dreamed of is your own mindset. It can be argued if this is the only factor, but it is indisputable that your mindset plays a large role in your life success. Being self-aware is a crucial step towards achieving your dreams!
13) Would you prefer being successful but unknown or famous but not as accomplished as you’d like to be?
Learning your partner’s values and core beliefs early on will help you decide if you and your partner are compatible and that you will be able to make life decisions together.
14) If we had never met, how do you think your life would look today?
This question is interesting and will give you an insight into how they view their life with you at the current moment. Does their answer reflect a life that seems better or worse than the one that you are living together right now?
15) If there were no limitations, where would you want us to live?
What’s the first step in making your dreams become a reality? Believing it! Is your definition of a dream life the same as your partners? This question sparks lots of conversations around life goals and potential future living situations!
16) How would you describe me to a total stranger?
This question is the perfect opportunity to both give and receive compliments. Subtly describe what you’re physically attracted to about your partner, and listen to what they feel are your most attractive features! It’s a win-win!
17) Do you find yourself more often reflecting on the past or planning the future?
Reflecting on the past and contemplating the future each have its benefits and its drawbacks, however it is important to learn how to be present and practice moments of mindfulness where you’re not thinking about either, but focusing on the present.
18) If you had to compare me to an everyday object, what would it be?
WARNING: We are not responsible for the potential arguments that this question may start!
FILL IN THE BLANK
19) In this moment, I feel _____ with you.
The beginning of relationships are filled with so many new, exciting and strong feelings. Learning how to express these feelings will help your relationship in the future when you need to have hard conversations. Feeling safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable with your partner starts from your very first conversations with each other.
20) Something I love to see you do for yourself is ______.
You will never see your own facial expressions or body movements in real time. You will only ever see a reflection, or a captured photo or video. The answer to this question may surprise you in the most unexpected and beautiful way possible, ask your partner to find out!
21) Recently, you made me smile when you ______.
Reflecting on moments of happiness and gratitude is always a great idea. This question can lead to a story time you’ve never heard before or open your eyes to a new perspective of the way your partner sees you.
If you enjoyed this 21 questions game post, feel free to grab our couples level 2 game, which has a total of 150 conversation starters for couples just like these ones 🤍✨